Well, 'tis the holiday season, and it's time to send out the presents. Let's see who's on my list and what I'll be sending.

Michael Nutter-Lots of good luck. He'll need it.

Rev. Charles Newman-A copy of "What's Wrong with the Catholic Church" with a small mirror taped to the cover.

Anthony Bevilacqua-See Charles Newman.

Alycia Lane-A sympathy card. No one deserves this much schadenfreude during the holiday season. I will, however, enclose a gift certicate to an anger management class.

Michael Smerconish-Some duct tape to put on his mouth. No, scratch that, a ball gag. Harder to chew through, and won't come undone from the tape glue being dissolved by all his foaming.

Kevin Ferris, Inquirer Columnist-Some glasses. His eyes are clearly weak, as he cannot see that Iraq is a disaster after five years.

Jonathan Last, Inquirer Columnist-See Kevin Ferris.

Vince Fumo-A get out of jail free card. Hmm...better send one to Ms. Lane, just in case.

The entire Inquirer staff-Some very naughty dogs, so they can emulate John Grogan's success.

The corporate board of Cigna-A get out of hell free card.

Mumia Abu-Jamal-A copy of "Coming to Terms with Guilt."

The Expatriate